Friday, March 9, 2018

Handling Relationship Conflicts




Handling Relationship Conflicts

According to Psychologists, knowing how to handle a conflict increases confidence and self-awareness and—this is a critical skill one should learn, and one among the best ways to create a deeper connection and intimacy in your relationship.

Just think about it: if you're trying to hide from any fights or disagreements, it will be hard for you to know what your partner values, what they do, why they do, and most importantly, if you two are still a fit for each other when the going gets tough.

So, I'm going to endow you with some ideas on what to do and say during the relationship conflicts (the three commons) you are bound to experience …

1. Your partner is making you angry or feel disappointed.
This is one of the hardest ones to deal with, because it is inevitable situation. we do things that don't align with our values, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we say things that we don't mean, especially in the heat of the moment.

Here's what you Should try to do ...
First, start with a Silence, a bit pause. Try to stay silent for at least a couple of seconds so you can figure out and understand how you feel first. Why do you feel angry, or hurt? This will help you better explain to your partner how you're feeling in a better/constructive way.

Then, you can try to say something like this: "I feel very upset right now. When you said or did this, it really hurt me because of (describe it). Do you mind if I ask you a few questions so I can better understand this?"

You can say what feels natural for you; but the reason I recommend this is because people usually have a reason why they've said something or done something. When you address your partner with thoughtful questions, it will be much easier to see where communication broke down, and to proceed with resolving the conflict fairly and productively. This also leads to much better apologies in the future — you are both taking the time to understand the problem first and how you can act differently in the future.

2. You and your partner disagree about "big things" (career, money, health).
Of course, we have different views on values of things, the more your values are aligned with those of your partner, the easier life is. But remember that we have all come from quite different families, cultures ,religions and that's bound to cause differences and misunderstandings when it comes to the most important areas of our lives no matter if you may have same cultures  and religions differences and misunderstandings will still be there.

Yet the difficulty here isn't necessarily the differences themselves, but how you deal with them. So what's the best way? You have to talk about them, see where you have connection points, and come up with concrete ways to deal with your differences.

For example, You find you and your parter argue about the money issues, how you spend on things, your family budgets and other expenses yet again, set aside time to talk specifically about how you each think about finances and budgets.

Here is just an example of what you may talk about.
What can we do to improve our relationship to it?
What influences our feelings about money?
What is each of our relationship to money?
The best part? You can apply this process to any area you're both differing on.
How can we keep each other accountable for our financial goals, and how we want to improve?

3. You both want two different things, but don't want to compromise.
Honestly, None of us want to give up what we want. For a lot of people, it feels like "losing a limb" when we compromise.
So what do I recommend? Don't compromise.



I know it sounds counterintuitive, but the truth is it never feels good to give up what you want so that your partner gets what they want, because then both sides end up feeling dissatisfied.
Let's say the disagreement involves something bigger like wanting to live in different Country or cities. It's important to be upfront about what you want from the beginning, and continually reinforce it. If you're not having conversations or setting a timeline for something like a big move, it will explode later on and cause a lot of issues.
From my experience (Personal personal), I know handling the conflict is not easy, but just like knowing how to have a great relationship is a skill, so is this. All it takes is putting one brave step forward and showing your partner that you're ready and willing to understand them and come out better on the other side, I hope this will help and improve your relationship.


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